Which Came First The Chicken Or The Egg?

The Egg, cause I'm never going to be referred to as a Chicken.
Remember when I was his world? ;)
HA as if.
As IF anything's changed.
Let's get serious though. Let me explain all of this.
I had a boyfriend. For 9 months.
I met him through a friend, and we'd stay up until 2 in the morning talking on the phone.
But he had a girlfriend.
But he was my best friend, I loved him a lot! But he had a girlfriend.
Call me a magician if you will, but I charmed his ass so well!
He left his girlfriend for me before he had even tasted my lips (but don't think he didn't try! [I don't do cheating.])
We had this crazy thing, honestly, he was head over heels in love with me, and I was into him too! But it was obvious to see that the affection was equally balanced, and for the first time in my life it wasn't because of me! He was more into me. He was the one that needed me, and don't get me wrong I needed him, but just not as much.
He dropped the L bomb, and I dropped it back and we exploded eachother, reduced to ashes. It was great, we went to Portugal together where I met his entire family! We were everyone's ideal couple! Everyone, all they had to say about us was "They are what a perfect relationship looks like!"
They weren't looking hard enough.
A typical summer day would go like this:
wake up,
call him,
go to his house,
go home,
call him,
go to sleep.
wake up and do it all over again.
We breathed eachother. To the point where we could spend long intervals on the phone in silence, not an awkward silence, just both our minds were focusing on other things like.. living.
It's all good, right?
Wrong.
I felt this crazy feeling inside, some kind of need to breakaway that I didn't understand.
I told him about it and we talked it over, but the feeling never really went away. I'm just good at supressing things that I don't want to talk about.
So months went by, about three I guess, and by the ninth month I was done.
I'm easy to read. An open book if you will, so he knew it was coming.
So y'know what he did?
He cut himself.
He sliced open his wrists and walked across roads with his eyes closed.
He came to me with a flower and begged me not to leave.
I looked at his wrists with memories of long ago and said okay.
I will not be responsible for this boy's suicide.
But the next day I knew that what I did was wrong.
So, start the scene
TAKE TWO:
ACTION!
Blame.
"How could you DO this to me Michelle? I was with you in your darkest hour, and now that I'm going through mine, what are you doing?"
He never said it but the implication was there "you're LEAVING!"
So. Guilt trip me.
I stayed.
Couple weeks passed by...
TAKE THREE:
ACTION!
He tried crying, he tried guilt tripping me, so I guilt tripped him right back.
He left.
We still talked on the phone
I got drunk, meaningless kiss.
Goodbye forever.
Not a month passes, and hello NEW GIRL!
Facebook is a creation made by the very evils of this world!
So-and-so is now in a relationship with So-and-so. (L)
Ego?
Crushed.
Remember when he said that he'd do anything for me?
That if I wanted to leave he'd fight until the death for me?
That anyone that ever hurt me, he'd kill them?
Well he got his new girlfriend a carnation for valentines.
Bitch he got me a rose when I was breaking up with him.
He calls you pretty?
He called me beautiful.
I see what he says to you and it's funny, cause he said similar things to me.
But there was more passion.
Cause there was a burning love in all of his words for me.
Cause I came first.
And it's funny that he thinks he can replace me.
Let me just tell you.
I am not someone that you're going to be able to replace.
ever.


oh and you want to hear the funnier thing?
She's a writer too!
HA
been der done DAT! ;)

Perfection

I'm curious as to know what perfection looks like. What does love look like?
If you could put those things into an object, how would you hold it? How would it feel?
I don't really know what people do on a blog, I guess they just talk. That's the thing I love about writing, when no one else will listen, you always have the page. It's actually kind of sad really. We've got so many of those pages filled, does that mean that no one in the world listens anymore?
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I want to write on this blog about, it should have a purpose other than some boring documentation of my life.
I need to create a character that you'll fall in love with. Someone that will instantaneously steal your heart. She'd be an amazing singer, someone that could sing your heart right into the palm of her hand. She'd be beautiful, she'd have long dark hair with full red lips that you can't help but think of tasting. She'd captivate you with every single word she speaks. Yet you'd be afraid, nervous at just the thought of her. Butterflies would awaken your senses at every waking moment when her scent touches your nose. You dream of her hair on your pillow, and her body in your arms. You'll feel empty without her. Yet you're completely aware that she's not real.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I'm not sure I quite believe that.
There will always be that truly beautiful person that no matter who looks at her, she'll be carrying your world on her shoulders.
It's a fantasy of mine to be that girl.
To be someone important and beautiful. Of course if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then I am beautiful to someone.
I'm just going to have to find that someone who can convince me of it myself.
I can't be convinced though. It's just so wrong! I can't allow someone to hold me up, because when they go away I'll fall. I am rebuilding my foundation.
No more sappy love ballads written with no music, just melodies.
I'm in a relationship with myself. I'm that perfect girl, that beautiful girl, and if you think any differently, then you need to get to know me a little more.
It's a blessing and a curse how easy it is for people to fall head over heels for me! :)

Welcome

I started this blog for my grade 12 Writers Craft class, but I'm not the type of person to only put up school shit.
I'm an odd person, and my mind is usually a dangerous place to travel but I'm sure you're reading this for a reason.
One thing you need to understand about Michizzle is that I am in constant flux, ever changing and never ending. I'll contemplate suicide on Monday and talk someone out of it on Tuesday, I'll be intraverted on Wednesday and extraverted on Thursday. I commonly describe myself as either a rollercoaster or a trainwreck.
I'm under construction currently, tearing apart the old pieces of myself and becoming someone that I know nothing of. I once was a silent person who allowed herself to be a doormat, but something inside of me changed and I've been awakened. I'm not going to take your shit if you give me shit. If you're a douchebag to me, don't be a bitch when I'm a douchebag back.
I'll never start a fight, but I'll never walk away from a fight.
I'm becoming someone that I've been wanting to be, and I'm not sure if what I'm on the path to becoming is still what I want, but in the end it's happening. I'm walking and realizing that I will not let a single soul oppress me any longer.
I refuse to be a tiny bug squashed by your desires. One thing you're going to have to face the fact about is that I'm more important to me then you are. You're going to fuck up, you're going to break my trust and hurt me, you're going to let me down I can't rely on anyone but myself!
Perhaps this will only create solitude in my life, who really knows? I'm still on the pathway to perfection, or perhaps I'm on the pathway to destruction.