Falling Asleep In Paradise

(Trail of Lies - Jedi Mind Tricks)

I'm playing with this idea of falling asleep in paradise.
It's ironic and incomprehensible. I mean if you're surrounded by perfection and beauty, why would you ever want to close your eyes.
The reality that we live in is beautiful. The complexity of it all, the fact that the way our heart beats and the spots on a cow are in sync, the way that the ripples in the desert and the formation of an embryo are in sync. It's all mysterious and wonderful, and yet here I am. I'd rather not. I'd rather not take part in staring at the blue sky. I'd rather not listen to the melodies of the birds, I'd rather not feel the sun on my skin. I'd rather not. I'd rather not count the raindrops as they whisper their secrets. I'd rather be asleep. Maybe this is paradise, and I'd rather be asleep. I'd rather be in my dreamland.
I'm slightly afraid of saying all of this. I'm afraid of going into complete detail of how screwed up I truly am. I've put my parents through hell and back, and not because I've ever been rebellious, but because of trips to the hospital on my own accord. The countless tears I've made my family cry simply because I cannot be happy. I've taken their hearts and incinerated it, and even still, I'd rather be asleep.